Cutting the Cord- Good Coach/Bad Coach

My mom is 93. Change is hard for her. So, you can imagine my reaction when her cable company announced that they would be doing away with standard cable by year end.  I learned this when she began having trouble with her boxes. Within days, it was announced that her soap opera, Days of Our Lives, would be moving to streaming in September.  This was not good. And I said as much to the cable provider.  So, I consulted with her, and we decided we would do it as soon as possible so she could be ready before September. .

On a Thursday, I cut the cord and converted her to streaming. Once I had figured things out, I handed her the remote. I told her what to do and let her push the buttons. I showed her everything. I drew her a labeled copy of the remote. And then I left. 

The next morning, I called to check on her and she was completely lost. And overwhelmed. She knew how to turn the television on, but nothing else. I found myself coaching her remotely, when I could barely remember what buttons she needed to push for what.  And we weren’t speaking the same language.  I said, “Push OK.”  There is no button labeled OK. Return isn’t return – it is a curved arrow. 

We did enough for her to be able to move between her favorite channels and called it a day.  The next day her closed captioning was off, she said that was fine, but I knew it wasn’t. She depends on it to understand what is going on. It took a while, but we got that back on.  Then later that day she called me gleeful that she had turned the tv on and changed the channel to the proper channel to watch the Charlotte FC soccer match. 

There are so many things she needs to know how to do.  But for now, she’s happy changing the channels.

What does this have to do with coaching?  A lot. I was a bad coach. I showed her everything. I told her what to do and she repeated it. She learned nothing. And the next day there was so much in her head that she didn’t know where to start and she wanted to quit. I used words she didn’t understand. Bad coaching.

I’m doing better now. She’s setting the pace. She’s deciding where we go and how quickly.  I’m not telling her what to do. I’m asking her what she wants to do and asking her questions to help her figure out how to do it for herself. We’re establishing a common language – the one that works for her – menu is “the three lines on the button”, go back is “the button on the left with the arrow.”  Good coaching – coachee driven at the coachee’s pace and in the direction they want to go. In a language that works for them.   With victories and celebrations along the way.